The Virtuous Woman

Today, I had the most interesting conversation with my twistahs about the roles of a man and woman. To sum it up, I am a strong believer that man should be the head of his home. According to Eph 5:23 (in the Bible) "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." But this post is not about the husband/man. I'll save that for another post. This post is about The Virtuous Woman. (The Proverbs 31 Woman).

The passage from Proverbs 31 speaks for itself, so there is no explaining needed. I have to ask the questions: When a man finds this type of woman why does he try to use and abuse her? Why does he call her controlling when she lives up to her duties as a Virtuous Woman?

Proverbs 31:10-30

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Such a wonderful woman indeed! So, again I have to ask. Why does a man try to use and abuse her? Why does he call her controlling when she lives up to her duties as a Virtuous Woman?


  1. I like this... I wish I had the answers though.

  2. I have read Proverbs 31 a thousand times. It's never occured to me that it describes an "independent" woman. Or more importantly a woman who is capable of Independence.

    What is important to remember is that men are still adjusting to the way women have evolved.

    It is going to take a tremendous sea change in the minds of men to make that adjustment and stop overreacting

  3. Bravo to the author this is an age old debate topic - why men abuse good women. IMO (in my opinion) men are of the belief that women are "suppose" to be virtuous and self righteous. Women are suppose to be nurturing and honest. While thier role as men is to conquer all that is attractive to them. This is the selfish side of them and continues to be a problem even for the most thoughtful and "nice" guy. He still feels that it is his duty (to wax da boo-tay)to have access to all that is appealing to him, without sacrifice. Here lies the disconnect between the two sexes......women are raised to be nurturers and obedient while the man is taught that the world is his oyster and he should conquer all !

  4. A virtuous woman is a rare find. I have been blessed by God to have one. I praise her daily as well as thank God daily for her. Many women are no longer being raised to be virtuous but to have the selfish desires of a man. Therefore the main role of "Compromiser" in a relationship is being diluted. As more woman join the workforce and give orders to men as well as "terminate their employment" the backlash against all women these men encounter is a result. Moreover, many women feel the need to answer the midnight "Booty Call" to hold on to or get close to a man. That is self defeating as well. My father raised me to be the man of the house. He taught me that it is a God given responsiblity to assume the role of Head, Protector and Provider of my family. These lessons from my father conflicted with the selfish desires I experience as a young man. Ultimately I have succumb to my father's instructions and now feel like a "complete" Man as well as a Child of God. My lady is a firm believer in God and accepts my role as Head of the Family and her role as my Advisor. Thank you for this post. May God Bless you.

  5. Really, really interesting points FP. I like your thinking and agree on most points.

  6. Bravo to you for this topic. I love an open forum that incorporates elements of spiritual (moral conscious), BIBLE (basic instruction before leaving earth) and carnal (self-serving).
    I find that men who use and abuse strong, virtuous women are trying to over-compensate for their own inadequacies. Rather than view that women as their rib….meaning she is strong in areas he may be deficient. He instead allows his own demons to force his conscious to see her as competition rather than completion. Additionally, this men(tal) illness makes him feel strong if he can “break” that woman mentally with his abuse so he can then control when he (internally) feels out –of-control. Unfortunately, it is a sick, twisted form of deflection.
    Relationships no longer contain a covenant. Therefore, people tend to act like they don’t have a need to be morally and spiritually accountable for causing another person physical and emotional abuse. In reality, that is a slight conundrum because we say that God is omnipotent, but we are quick not to adhere to God’s covenants as it relates to how we are to treat one another.

  7. Well, my view is that the woman is head of the house, so I'm not sure if I can help out with that question. This is going to be a little provocative with what I am going to say, but I think that men act like this way towards women because so many men know they can. Too many women allow men to use and abuse them, and keep on taking these men back and giving them the power. I'm of the persuasion that once I see a little bit of an asshole in you, I'm through and there is no discussion. Can you imagine what would happen if women wouldn't put up with all this kind of crap? Well, men wouldn't do it. I refuse to even acknowledge a man who would use or abuse a woman, and they really should be too insignicant for us to even wonder why they do the jackass things that they do.